Karma

The Masses

I came across this Google map of worldwide mass animal deaths since December and decided to list them here, not to entertain conspiracy theories but to shine a bit of light on the terrible suffering in the world.

Though I only listed the deaths due to unknown or suspicious causes, the Google map also includes a few events listed with known causes-- the 100 pelicans mutilated and intentionally killed in North Carolina , the 10 tons of fish trapped in a broken fishing net in New Zealand, the 150 tons of farmed fish who died as a result of overcrowding in Cambodia, and the mass die-offs of penguins and sea birds due to climate change in New Zealand.

Whatever the cause of their deaths, it's heartbreaking to see so many precious beings suffer and die.

Too many fish to count: Florida, Dec 15

Thousands of fish: Philippines, Dec 18

Hundreds of starfish and jellyfish: South Carolina, Dec 23

Scores of fish: Haiti, Dec 27

70 Bats: Arizona, Dec 28

Dozens of fish: Texas, Dec 29

5,000+ blackbirds : Arkansas, Dec 31

500+ blackbirds: Louisiana, Jan 3

Dozens of blackbirds: Kentucky, Jan 3

100,000 fish: Arkansas, Jan 3

2 million fish: Maryland, Jan 3

Thousands of fish: Florida, Jan 4

50-100 Jackdaw birds: Sweden, Jan 4

Hundreds of fish: United Kingdom, Jan 4

Scores of fish: United Kingdom, Jan 4

Hundreds of fish: Ontario, Jan 4

300 Doves: Italy, Jan 6

Tons of fish: Brazil, Jan 6

Hundreds of fish: New Zealand, Jan 6

If you are so inclined, please join me in praying that all these creatures have an auspicious rebirth.

For The Babies

It isn't often that you can do big things with just a little effort.

Our dog rescue Tara's Babies is competing in the Pepsi Refresh Project during the month of January to win a $250,000 grant. The Pepsi Refresh Project is an online contest--whoever gets the most votes wins the big bucks. We need people to vote for Tara's Babies every day throughout January, and to vote both online and via text if possible. That's right, each person can vote TWICE each day.

Here's how:

1. Watch this video to see Tara's Babies in action and learn what they will do with the grant.




2. This page tells you how to create an account before voting and also explains how to vote. (Your account info is safe. I voted throughout September for another project and assure you they will not use your email or personal info.)

3. Optional: Go to Tara's Babies website and sign up to receive a daily email reminder to vote.

4. To vote by text: Text 105549 to 73774 (that spells "PEPSI")

5. Vote online AND via text EVERY DAY in January.

Please participate in this project. The Babies need you and deserve every good thing we can provide for them.

Dragging in the New Year

I won't sugarcoat it-- last night was tough. For the past several weeks the Wegener's has been slowly waking up-- not enough to re-treat yet but enough to make my life increasingly difficult. The pain is back and building. The fatigue is increasing. On top of that, I've been sick with a cold that not only ran amok but sent out last-minute invitations to its bacterial buddies for a year-end party. You know how some plants completely wilt when they need watering? That's how I feel-- no reserves at all. Try as I might to stop the chemical cascade, the energy being siphoned by the physical is taking its toll on me emotionally. It's pure biochemistry. And even though I can describe the endocrine feedback loops, knowing that fire is hot doesn't keep it from burning you.

Still, I love our temple's New Year's Eve tradition and wanted to participate. It meant making a deal with the endocrine devil as it were-- pouring in caffeine all afternoon, aware that I'd feel like a truck hit me the next day for the adrenal stress it would cause. (Dealing with chronic illness is like Sophie's Choice every day. Which child do you favor, the body or the mind, and can you ever restore a sense of wholeness once you've chosen one over the other?)

Unfortunately, the caffeine was enough to keep me awake but not enough to jolt me into a celebratory mood. After discovering-- for the zillionth time-- that my favorite coping mechanism of muscling through was not going to work, I finally gave myself permission to surrender. Well, sort of. Complete surrender would have brought me joy. The partial surrender I embraced was just enough to put the brakes on my thoughts that said, "It's New Year's Eve, why aren't you happy?" Or worse, "There's something wrong with you."

But some surrender is better than nothing. It creates spaciousness in the mind that isn't there otherwise. It was in those moments that I found bits of peace-- where I felt carried by the merit of eons of practitioners accomplishing their practice, and where I remembered that nothing is permanent, especially not an emotional state. As much as I wish those moments would have stretched into the entire night, they didn't. It was a struggle even at the end. But it was one night that doesn't--no matter what the Hallmark commercials want us to think-- seal my fate for the coming year. I'm not the same person who rejoiced in last year's New Year's Eve celebration. I'm the one who thinks that's okay.

Peacocks and Prednisone

Today I finally discovered one good thing about the steroids I have to take for Wegener's. A couple days ago the temperatures here dropped into the teens. Jetsunma asked the sangha to collect blankets and warm clothing and bring them to homeless people living on the streets of D.C. Everyone leaped into action and a couple of our Dharma warriors handed out the items that night.

We plan on collecting and distributing more so I looked to see if I had anything to offer. Actually, I already knew what was there--several pieces of clothing that didn't fit anymore. A winter coat I love. Clothes I wore for winter hiking, snowshoeing, cross-country skiing and bicycling. Brand new socks that don't accommodate the edema in my legs. Prednisone has caused so much weight gain and numerous other problems that I won't be using any of those clothes, at least not for the foreseeable future.

I hesitated, but finally began pulling them out of the closet. Normally when I give away clothing or other items I feel nothing but joy. I don't usually feel the "pull" of my possessions. But this was truly painful. I've held on to these particular things out of hope. They represent the life I had, the health and freedom and choices I enjoyed. I don't know what-- if any-- is coming back, and even though I'm leaving the door open in my mind it's getting harder and harder to imagine being strong again.

As I sorted the clothes, I began a little ritual I do when donating clothing. I clean them and fold them nicely. I remember the joy they brought me. I picture how they will bring joy and comfort to the next person who wears them. I imagine how, at some point when they are wearing these clothes, they will wonder who they came from. I think of the invisible karmic thread that connects us through a shared garment, and how they could only be wearing "my" clothes if in a past life they had provided clothes for me. Then I bless the clothes. I pray that the wearer will have excellent shelter, food and health--all that they need to be happy. I pray that they will never know suffering again.

While all this was going on today--while I was feeling grief alongside joy and trying not to get lost in either-- it struck me that if it weren't for prednisone I wouldn't have anything to donate. All my clothes would fit. I wouldn't be able to do anything at all about homeless people freezing on the streets of D.C. tonight.

At least for today the prednisone was the source of some joy in the world. In swallowing those pills I became like a peacock-- a symbol of transformation in Tibetan Buddhism. Peacocks eat poisonous creatures like snakes and scorpions and it results in spectacular plumage. They literally transform poison into beauty.

With that in mind, I pray that every bit of this disease and every bit of prednisone I take, results in benefit to all beings.

Tear It Down

Americans have a habit of wanting to tear down structures and replace them. It can be an obsessive habit, really. It’s a frenetic desire to seek happiness from external sources, and if a structure is intact for awhile a kind of restless anxiety builds up. Some change is good of course, but often we want change just for the sake of change—a constant bright, shiny object to distract us from dealing with our own minds.

But before tearing something down, you have to consider what you’re going to replace it with. Would you tear down a hospital to build a strip joint?

There are some on Twitter who spend their days pontificating about how they want to tear down the "structure" known as Kunzang Palyul Choling (KPC), Palyul, all of Vajrayana in fact. They get very excited at the prospect of seeing this in their lifetimes, tweeting about it for days on end. They want destruction and they want it NOW. They need something to think about “out there,” because they lack the courage to think about their own mental poisons. So, they obsessively tweet about destroying the Dharma, Pure Lamas, Pure lineages, stupas, monks and nuns, temples, animal rescues, and anything else that exists in the world to benefit beings.

They want destruction but what do they propose as a replacement? They sure don’t like the idea of Bodhicitta. That word never falls from their lips. So far all they offer is hatred, gossip, slander, threats, divisiveness, harassment and unbelievably foul language,. They offer sticks of dynamite but nothing to fill the crater that would remain in the world if they had their way.

Completely absorbed in their obsession, they exist in an echo chamber of each others’ delusions of grandeur--as if they alone could destroy what Buddhas have created. As if anyone could destroy love and compassion.

Made It To 47